i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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