Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
