I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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