Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
