Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
