I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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