I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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