He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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