life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I believe in your delicious
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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