You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
