as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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