There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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