So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
