It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
