i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
