he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
