I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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