i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
