I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
