Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your cock deserves a montage
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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