the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
