remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
