the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
