He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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