don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
home. puking in laundry basket.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
