we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
