We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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