chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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