yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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