Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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