i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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