Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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