When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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