i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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