woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
