you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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