My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
