Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
