Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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