i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
