In the future we'll all be gay
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
