don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
