dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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