Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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