Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
