Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
