im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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