Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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