Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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