my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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