I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
