You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
