The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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