At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
