i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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