Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
