No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
