So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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