I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
