I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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