Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
