Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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