Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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