dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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