I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
