i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
