The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
