The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
