From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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