like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
