Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
