oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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