I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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