I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
