In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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